


Lonely

by KingOMalley



Category: Junjou Romantica
Genre: A bit of character death, AU, Angst, Cutting, M/M, Mentions of Rape, MxM - Freeform, OOC characters, Rating May Change, Slow Updates, may be triggering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-03-11 08:50:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3321299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingOMalley/pseuds/KingOMalley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU- Akihiko leaves Misaki alone, breaking his heart. Misaki gets arrested for murder two years later, and is thrown in jail. Akihiko finally comes back, but Misaki isn't the same. What will happen when people from Misaki's past get in the way of their healing relationship? Will love prevail, or will Misaki be lost for good?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Out of the Frying Pan, Into the Fire

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Lonely](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/97466) by Michael J. O'Malley. 



**Hello, dear readers. This story is probably the second one I've ever written, being rewritten. If you want the original story, you can find it on , under my account name Michael J. O'Malley. Please enjoy the fanfic!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica.**

**-JR—JR—JR-**

**Misaki's POV**

' _Why me?'_ I thought as I was lead out of the jail. I stared at the ground with dead eyes and refused to look up for fear of seeing Akihiko again. I knew he was back. Takahiro told me about it a couple months before, and about his boyfriend.

I gave no reaction to that, of course, but my mind was reeling. I'd accepted it at this point, though. Akihiko moved on and found someone else. Someone who wasn't a murderer.

I was forced to look up when I reached my brother. I didn't meet his eyes, but looked over his shoulder at the person leaning against a bright red sports car. Said person had soft, silver hair and glowing amethyst eyes that could look right through you.

Akihiko was smoking a cigarette, but instead of looking at me, he was gazing down at the young man he was holding hands with, giving him the exact same look he used to give me.

"Misaki?" Takahiro asked worriedly, furrowing his brow. "Are you alright?"

The question brought me out of my thoughts. I turned my gaze to my brother, and said, "I'm fine, Takahiro. Just tired is all." My voice was flat and empty, devoid of any emotion.

Akihiko's head snapped up at the sound, and his eyes locked onto mine. I flinched when Takahiro hugged me, but he gave it no mind, only holding me tightly in a brotherly embrace.

"I'm so glad you're finally out of there," he told me.

I tried to give him a smile, but only got as far as the corners of my lips twitching slightly. "Me, too," I said.

I pulled out of the awkward embrace and walked towards Akihiko's car, glancing at him for a moment. "It's good to see you again, Misaki," he said to me, his velvety voice slightly uncertain.

I looked at him indifferently. "I wish I could say the same," I muttered underneath my breath so that only Akihiko could hear me.

The man half-grimaced and half-smiled, then brought a hand up as if to pat me on the head, but I ducked underneath it and opened the car door, climbing inside. Akihiko and Takahiro climbed in the front seats, Akihiko driving, Akihiko's boyfriend sat in the back next to me, and then we were on our way to Takahiro's house.

Takahiro and Akihiko's boyfriend tried starting conversations with me, but they went ignored and eventually gave up. The rest of the ride was silent, and I welcomed it. I hadn't realized I'd fallen asleep, but before I knew it I was being shaken awake by Akihiko, who was looking at me with a worried expression.

"We're here," he told me. I nodded and moved to get out, but was stopped by the sound of a voice behind the author.

"Move, Usagi! I need to introduce myself," the voice whined. Akihiko moved aside and I looked at the man who had just spoken.

He looked a bit like me, except his hair was lighter than mine, his eyes were more of a forest green than emerald, and I was a couple inches taller than him.

He smiled at me and said, "Hi, I'm Usagi's boyfriend, Ritsu Onodera. It's nice to meet you." Ritsu held a hand out to shake, but I looked at it, then back up at him without touching it.

He looked uncomfortable after a few seconds of my staring. I took pity on him and looked away, saying in an indifferent tone, "Can you please move? I'd rather not sit in this car forever."

Akihiko moved protectively in front of Ritsu and glared at me. "Don't be so rude to Ritsu."

"I said please," I replied. Akihiko's glare hardened.

"He's the man I love, not you. I won't allow you to be so rude to him," the man hissed with an irritated tone. Despite the pang in my heart at that statement, I kept up my indifferent, almost cold, expression.

I rolled my eyes. "Will you let me get out of the car now?" Akihiko and Ritsu moved out of the way of the car door, allowing me to get out of the car and walk towards Takahiro's house.

I walked in and was immediately greeted by Minami, who pulled me into a warm hug. I hugged her back, but only barely, not wanting to touch her and taint her with my dirtied hands.

"It's so good to see you again, Misaki-kun," she beamed, though it was obvious to me that it was forced.

"You, too, Minami," I answered, trying for a small smile, but not succeeding.

"Do you want something to drink? Some tea? Or a small snack?" she asked me.

I shook my head, pulling away from her fully. "I'm fine. I think I'll just go to sleep early." Minami smiled at me, forced again, and lead me to my newly renovated bedroom.

"Sleep well," she told me, then shut the door behind her. I looked around the room. There was a single bed against the wall across from me, and a nightstand next to the bed with a lamp placed on top. At the foot of the bed was a bookshelf that was relatively empty other than some things that Takahiro or Minami probably put there for me.

On the wall to my right was a dresser. After inspecting the drawers, I found that there were all new clothes inside of it. On the wall to my left was a door that lead to a small, simple bathroom. I let out a soft sigh and leaned against the door.

Talking on the other side got my attention.

The first voice I heard was Takahiro's. "He's changed so much, Usagi. He seems like a completely different person! I mean, I understand he went through some hard times, but he won't smile, and he even flinched when I hugged him. He's so detached and it seems like I'm talking to a stranger. I don't know what to do."

Then Akihiko spoke. "I think he just needs time. Being in jail doesn't exactly make you feel warm and fuzzy. I wouldn't think so, anyway. Let him get used to being outside, and I'm sure it'll get better."

I could imagine the smile Takahiro would be giving Akihiko. "Thanks, Usagi. If you say so, then I'll take your word for it."

I inwardly scoffed, imagining how that puffed up Akihiko's ego. The two walked away, and I pulled away from the door, trudging towards the dresser. I pulled a navy blue long sleeved t-shirt and black cotton pants out of the drawers, pulling the tags off and changing into the clothes.

I didn't sleep, though. It was strange. It was as though it was impossible for me to sleep. No matter how much I shifted or moved around to get comfortable, I couldn't. I couldn't even close my eyes without feeling as though I was being watched. I had to wonder if it would be like this for the rest of my stay.

I had to wonder if I would always be this uncomfortable in the place I almost considered home.

**-JR—JR—JR-**

**Here's the first chapter of the rewrite. Thanks for reading. Favorite, follow, review, and PM me with ideas.**

**Until next time . . .**

**~O'Malley out!**


	2. Chapter Two

**Disclaimer: I don’t own Junjou Romantica.**

**-One Year Later-**

**Misaki’s POV**

My brother’s obnoxiously loud laughing woke me up. I could feel the bright sunlight that filtered through my blinds hitting my eyelids, painting the back of them red. Groaning in annoyance, I rolled over onto my stomach and pulled the covers up over my head.

Despite my attempts to go back to sleep, Takahiro’s loud talking and laughing drifted through my blankets and prevented me from drifting off into dreamland again. I groaned once again, but gave up on my losing battle and rolled out of bed, untangling from my dark blue sheets.

I walked into my bathroom and looked at my face. Over the last year, I’d gotten some of my natural tan back (Not that much, though. I hate going outside.), and my eyes gained a dull light reminiscent of the one that they lost so long ago.

I didn’t fool myself into getting any hope, though. I knew that I would never get that light back, not fully anyway. I’d been through too much for that to be possible anymore, and without someone like Akihiko there for me, I didn’t think I would regain any more than I already had.

I turned away from the mirror and towards my shower, turning the water on to the hottest it could get. While I waited for it to heat up, I went back into the bedroom and grabbed some underwear, a dark green long-sleeved shirt, black jeans, and a pair of socks.

I returned to the bathroom and dropped my clothes on the porcelain countertop next to the sink. After closing the bathroom door, then locking it, I stripped out of my nightclothes and dumped them in the laundry basket, then stepped into the scalding hot water.

After washing my body and hair quickly, I stepped out of the shower and shut the water off. I grabbed a towel and dried my body off, then began to work on my hair. As I dried my hair using a towel with one hand, I brushed my teeth with the other.

And finally, ten minutes later, I walked out of my bathroom dressed and not at all ready for the day to come. I grabbed my phone off of my nightstand and slipped it in my pocket, then pulled on my black hoodie.

I left my room, first unlocking the door, and closed the door with a soft click behind me. I followed the smell of waffles and bacon to the kitchen, pausing momentarily in the doorway when I saw Akihiko and Ritsu sitting at the table, eating like they lived there.

Minami smiled kindly at me and handed me a plate of food. I reached from behind my brother for the syrup, then pulled it back to me, pouring it on the waffles. I placed it back on the table and went into the living room, unwilling to eat in the same room as those stupid love birds.

Usually Takahiro wouldn’t have argued about it, but today he decided to say something. “Misaki, why don’t you eat at the table with us? It’s a big day, after all.”

I looked inquisitively at him. “Sure, I guess.” I sat down at the table without even glancing at the lovey-dovey couple. “Why is it a big day, exactly?” I asked.

Takahiro gave a huge grin, looking more happy than usual. “Well, there are two reasons, actually. The first one, of course, is because you’ve been out of jail for a year now.” I stared blankly at him. Why was that such a big thing? ‘Oh, congratulations, Misaki! You’ve been an ex-convict for a whole year! I’m so proud!’

“What’s the second reason, then?” I asked him.

Instead of Takahiro, Ritsu answered, and I noticed Akihiko wince a bit. “Usagi and I are getting married!”

I froze with a piece of waffle halfway to my mouth, eyes wide in shock. The fork clattered back to my plate. “W-what?” I stuttered. I glanced at Akihiko, who looked torn between being guilty and happy. I glared harshly at him.

Takahiro was oblivious of all of this. “Isn’t that great?! And Ritsu even asked for you to be the best man, since you and Usagi-san were so close!”

I let my bangs cast a shadow over my eyes, hiding it from everyone’s view. I gritted my teeth, trying to push away the stabbing pain in my heart. I could feel cracks forming in it, spreading and branching out until my entire heart was shards of glass on the ground.

“Yeah, it’s great,” I said, somehow managing to keep my voice steady. I put the indifferent mask I’d taken so long to make back up, somehow piecing it back together. I barely kept up my charade of being indifferent up the rest of the day.

Takahiro decided that we should celebrate the huge occasions and we went out that day. That night, when Ritsu suggested that we should go to a karaoke bar, I told them I had a headache and requested that Akihiko just drop me off at home.

He frowned at me in the rearview mirror while Takahiro protested, but Akihiko took me back anyway, and I silently thanked him for doing something right.

The front door practically slammed behind me. I made sure to lock it, not only because Takahiro reminded me to, but also because it became habit to me over the past year.

I threw my shoes haphazardly into their place in front of the door and rushed up the stairs to my room. I actually slammed the door this time and locked it violently.

All of it was coming crashing down on me.

 _‘Usagi and I are getting married!’_ Those words echoed through my head, becoming like some sick, painful mantra that wouldn’t go away.

“Shut up . . .” I whispered. Tears leaked down my face and the pain in my crushed heart that had become a dull throb came back full force, making me drop to my knees.

_‘Isn’t it great?!’_

My body began to tremble, and the tears came faster and faster.

_‘. . . you and Usagi-san were so close!’_

‘We were more than close! We were lovers for fuck’s sake!’ I thought brokenly. ‘And then he left me . . .’

_‘Ritsu even asked for you to be the best man . . .’_

‘Why should I be?! He took Akihiko away from me!’ My eyes snapped open at that thought, and I clutched my hair tighter.

“He was never mine,” I whispered. “It was all fake. He was never mine.” I’d been telling myself that for the past seven years, trying to get that stupid fucking rabbit out of my head, and it had always worked until then, but now it didn’t.

It only made me hurt more. It only made me want him back even worse. I didn’t let myself sob, or rather, my body didn’t. I’d sobbed all of my sobs when Akihiko left me. I let all of them out when I found out that he didn’t want me anymore.

And still I cried silently. I shed tears for kami knows how long before I stopped. And then, I only stopped because I heard the car pulling up in front of the house.

The door slammed open, and heavy footsteps moved through the first floor towards the stairs.

“Do you two want to stay here for the night?” my brother’s voice drifted up. “It’s getting pretty late.”

I couldn’t make out the response, but I assumed that it was an affirmative because multiple people climbed the staircase. I just sat with my back to my door silently, staring ahead with dead eyes.

Two pairs of feet passed my door, and the door of the room next to mine opened then closed. Of course they were staying in that room.

It wasn’t long before I heard words and moans coming through the wall, as I had expected. I sighed. Standing up on unsteady legs, I had to lean against the door before going over to my nightstand and opening the top drawer.

I pulled my earbuds and iPod out, put the earbuds in, and blasted the music as loud as it would go to drown out the sounds coming from the other room that made me want to shatter again. And yet they still pierced me right where my heart would’ve been if it wasn’t crushed to dust already.

I let my tears guide me into sleep as I curled into a fetal position on my bed.

**-JR—JR—JR-**

The next time I woke up it was one in the afternoon. I pulled my earbuds out, which were still blasting music, and sat up, rubbing at my tired eyes. The house was strangely quiet, for some reason, and I couldn’t quite place the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I climbed out of bed and went into my bathroom, running a hand through my sleep-tangled hair. I grimaced at my disheveled reflection. My hair was a rat’s nest from my tossing and turning, my eyes were red-rimmed from crying and had bags under them, and my cheeks had tearstains on them.

I sighed and grabbed a black rag from under the sink, then wetted it with warm water and rubbed my face with it until I deemed myself presentable. Well, for the most part. I grabbed my brush and made my hair obey me so that it wasn’t sticking up everywhere.

I left my bathroom and grabbed a change of clothes, having not changed out of the ones from the day before yet. I pulled on a pair of black jeans identical to the ones I was already wearing, a light blue long-sleeved shirt, and my hoodie.

Hesitantly, I left the bedroom and walked into the kitchen, noticing that no one was home. As I waited for my toast to be done, I glanced around the room, looking for any sign that something was out of place.

I found nothing strange, and yet I couldn’t shake my uneasiness. I jumped when the toast popped out of the toaster with a loud sound. I gave a long sigh, but pulled the toast of the machine and took a bite out of it, not bothering with butter or jam.

I jumped once again when I heard the front door lock turning and people walked in, only relaxing when I heard Takahiro’s exuberant voice, saying something about wedding planning to Akihiko. I groaned silently, the previous day finally coming back to me fully.

Akihiko was first to walk into the kitchen, though I noticed him give a small pause in his graceful steps when he saw me leaning casually against the counter and eating toast. I greeted him with a small nod.

“Good afternoon, Misaki,” Ritsu greeted, smiling tensely at me.

“’Morning,” I responded with a clipped tone. “What were you three up to?”

“Wedding planning!” my brother exclaimed, overly excited about the whole thing. “We were hoping you would be there, but decided to let you sleep.”

“I see,” was all I said, nibbling on the bread.

The room went silent, and when I’d finally decided that I should leave to relieve everyone of the tangible tension in the room, the phone rang, and Takahiro jumped up to get it.

“Hello?” he said, and paused when, at least I guess, the person on the other line spoke.

“Haitani? I don’t know anyone by that name,” he answered them. My breath hitched, and it suddenly became hard to breathe. I didn’t process how the toast fell out of my hand or how I clutched onto the counter for support.

I only processed the fact that he found me. My personal tormentor found me, and he was coming to take me back. I didn’t have to speak to him to know that.

**-JR—JR—JR-**

**And there’s the second chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed! Favorite, follow, review, and PM me. Until next time . . .**

**~O’Malley out!**


	3. Chapter Three

**So I just realized how behind this story is in comparison to the one on fanfiction.net, so I'll be putting up a few chapter today. I really appreciated all of the reviews, and I hope you keep reviewing ^_^**

**-JR--JR--JR-**

**Misaki’s POV**

_‘I won’t let you get away.’_ Those words echoed through my head, the words that Haitani told me the day I was released, as I was leaving the cell. _‘You’re mine and mine alone.’_

I stared at the tile floor while I tried to even out my breathing. It took me a second to notice that Akihiko was trying to get my attention. “Misaki? Are you okay?”

‘No, I’m not fine! That demon that tormented me for three years just called my brother’s house! How could I be okay?!’ was what I wanted to say, but refrained from telling Akihiko that.

“I-I’m fine,” I stuttered, hurriedly walking past him and going for the stairs, but he caught my wrist in a gentle but firm grasp.

“You don’t seem fine,” he said worriedly. “What’s wrong?” I tried to shake the man’s hand off, but his grip was too tight.

“ _Nothing_ is wrong!” I snapped, but refused to look up. I wouldn’t let him see me in such a weak and broken state. I wouldn’t give him that satisfaction.

Akihiko’s grip loosened in his surprised state, and I could finally jerk my wrist from his hand. I rushed up the stairs. For the second time, I slammed my door shut and locked it. Before I could make another move, someone began knocking on my door, almost frantically.

“Misaki, tell me what’s wrong,” Akihiko’s annoyed and worried voice came. I ran a trembling hand down my face. _‘Yes, Misaki. Tell the man who betrayed you what’s wrong. Tell him what I did to you. Tell him how I marked you as mine so that no one could take you from me,’_ Haitani’s voice said.

I pushed it away, ignoring the fact that voices in your head wasn’t usually a good thing. “Misaki, please. What’s wrong?”

I’d had enough of it. I unlocked the door and swung it open forcefully. “You want to know what’s wrong?” I asked with a deceptively calm voice. Akihiko nodded unsurely and I gestured for him to come in. I didn’t want anyone eavesdropping.

Once the door was closed behind me, I turned the lock out of habit. Akihiko raised an eyebrow but said nothing about it.

“What’s wrong is that the man that left me alone for all those years came back into my life, flaunting his new _lover,_ and acting as though it’s doing nothing to me,” I hissed, still facing the door. I didn’t want to see what kind of face he had. I didn’t want to see any guilt or regret on his face, if he even felt any.

“But I-“ the author began, but I cut him off.

“No, Akihiko!” I snapped. “Let me finish talking before you say _anything!”_ Akihiko seemed shocked at my angry tone, as he immediately went quiet.

“Did you never realize that bringing Ritsu here, acting all lovey-dovey around me with him, all of it is driving me crazy?! And don’t even think about making a comment about jealousy, because I’m really not in the mood for it,” I said harshly. I finally turned around and saw Akihiko looking at me with a mixture of guilt, regret, and shock.

I started laughing then, laughing hard and without mirth. “Wow! The great Usami-sensei can’t even figure out when he’s crossing a line he shouldn’t. And I thought you were the most attentive person ever. I guess that’s just with people you care about, though.”

Akihiko looked like he wanted to say something. “You can talk now,” I told him, going from ‘amused’ to blank in a second.

“Please,” he whispered. “Don’t think that I don’t care about you, because I do-“

I scoffed, then said with a bitter tone, “Is that why you left me for someone else? Yeah, that’s a way to show how much you care about me. Betray me and break my heart.”

The man flinched at my words. “I’m sorry,” he said desperately, looking at me with pleading eyes. “Can you forgive me?”

I looked away from him and didn’t answer, scowling. That seemed to be answer enough to him, and he looked sad.

After a couple of minutes of thick silence, I whispered, “Get out. Now. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

He made his way to my door, but paused with his hand on the doorknob. “I know you can get through this. You’re strong.”

I spun on him angrily. I shoved my sleeves up roughly and showed him my forearms. “Look at this and tell me that I’m strong. Tell me that I have strength after resorting to something so shameful!”

Akihiko froze in place at the sight of my arms. For once, the god-like author Usami Akihiko was at a loss for words. Because there were self-inflicted scars covering practically every inch of the skin on my forearms.

**-JR—JR—JR-**

That night I went for a long walk while everyone was asleep. I needed time to think in a place where there weren’t constant reminders of what I’d been through. I walked down the empty side walk, watching with absent fascination as my breath made white puffs in the air every time I exhaled.

I wondered if it was Ritsu that made Akihiko leave me at first, or if it was something else, something he couldn’t tell me about. But he wouldn’t act as he had before he left if it was something like that. He would act as normal (well, normal for him) as possible so that I wouldn’t suspect.

In those few weeks before he left, it was as though there was inner turmoil that he couldn’t tell me about, something that was bothering him that he couldn’t say. I gave a long-suffering sigh and pushed those thoughts out of my mind. There was no point in thinking about it when I wouldn’t get any answers.

And then I began thinking about Haitani. I shuddered violently when his voice invaded my head again, whispering things to me and making bile rise in my throat. _‘You know, Misaki, he’ll never take you back. Not when he knows what I did to you. He’ll think you’re disgusting, a used piece of garbage.’_

“Shut up,” I told him, hardening my expression. If I didn’t, I knew I would break down and fall deeper into the abyss I was already at the bottom of.

 _‘But you don’t have to worry about that with me, my kitten. I’ll never leave you. You can stay with me, and I’ll never throw you away,’_ he whispered huskily, and I could almost feel his heavy breath on my ear and his hands running over my body.

I lunged to the side of the sidewalk and heaved, throwing up the meagre meals I’d eaten that day. I dry heaved a few times before stopping. I was breathing heavily, and tears were in my eyes, blurring my vision.

I staggered to my feet and continued down the sidewalk unsteadily, letting the cool breeze calm me down. I reached a crosswalk and stopped walking when the red light came into view. In the distance I saw a car speeding in the distance, glinting red in the dim moonlight.

I ignored it and waited for the light to turn green. The car got closer to the crosswalk. And suddenly arms were wrapping around my waist from behind, and I could feel breath that smelled of alcohol on my cheek while the person’s chin sat on my shoulder.

“Hello, Mi-sa-ki~,” Haitani purred, saying my name in a childish way that somehow conveyed his dark and lustful personality.

I flinched and said nothing, making sure no emotions showed on my face, and nothing could be read in my eyes.

“I’m here to take you away,” he sang.

I made no move to get out of his grip, perfectly aware that it was useless. I saw the car getting even closer to the crosswalk.

“I’ll never let you take me away,” I spat coldly. “And if you did, I wouldn’t let you touch me.”

The man chuckled darkly in my ear. “Then if I can’t have you, no one can.” His arms moved from my waist to my back.

And the rest happened in slow motion. The car was nearly to the point where Haitani and I were standing. Said man pushed me forward with enough force to make me stumble in front of the red sports car.

I looked through the front window with wide, shocked eyes. The car hit me, and pain exploded all over my body as I was thrown like a ragdoll further down the road. I vaguely noticed from my position on the ground that Haitani was gone, as though he was never there in the first place.

“ ** _Misaki!_** _”_ someone cried with horror. All I could see was the smog filled sky glinting with hardly noticeable stars about me. Somehow, in my lucid, half-awake state, I could see the stars much more clearly, so clear that I could never count all of them.

Someone held me in their arms, telling me it would be okay in their strong, velvety voice that was tinted with desperation and fear. Somehow, it felt wrong for those emotions to be there in that voice. And then I heard another voice, higher in pitch, more feminine, and saw a flash of red hair.

Then a flash of silver. The darkness began to consume my sight, and I silently begged it to let me watch the bright, shining stars for just a little bit longer. The darkness did not cease or slow in its advancement, and just before I lost consciousness, the last thing I saw was violet eyes, staring down at me in terror.

**-JR—JR—JR-**

**I’d say I’m sorry for _yet another_ cliffhanger, but . . . so, anyway. Favorite, follow, review, and PM me. Until next time . . .**

**~O’Malley out!**


	4. Chapter Four

**Akihiko’s POV**

_“I know you can get through this,” I told Misaki. “You’re strong.” My hand tightened the on the doorknob, ready to turn it and leave the room, but Misaki spun on me furiously, eyes glowing with anger and pain._

_I was confused when he pulled his sleeves up, but that quickly turned to stunned shock. “Look at this and tell me that I’m strong. Tell me that I have strength after resorting to something so shameful!” I heard a hint of desperation in his voice, as if he was begging me to be disappointed in him, as if begging me to see his weakness._

_The scars that littered his forearms covered practically all of the skin, and if I looked closely I could see words under other jagged scars, but only faintly, as if he scratched them out with a knife. Which, I realized with growing horror, he probably had._

_I finally found my voice again. “W-was this because of . . .?” I trailed off, unable to finish my own question._

_Misaki seemed to have calmed down, and looked at me with almost dead eyes. “Because of you?” he asked thoughtfully, and didn’t even wait for me to say anything. “Partially. After you left and didn’t come back, I thought about it, but I never resorted to it. Well, until jail.”_

_When the brunette mentioned his time in prison, I noticed how his eyes darkened and gained a haunted, empty look to them. He gently pulled the sleeves back down, a stark contrast to the mood he was in before._

_I felt the guilt that’d been building up for the past few years grow, grow so much I was afraid that it might swallow me whole and suffocate me._

_“I . . .” I started, but there was nothing I could say, so I stopped talking. As the two of us stood in silence, neither of us saying anything or looking at each other, I knew I had to say something, anything, to make it better._

_“I know you could never forgive me for what I’ve done,” I started with a soft voice, “but can we at least start again? Start as friends?”_

_Misaki stared at me with calculating eyes, still haunted and empty, and yet so full of emotion and pain. It felt as if he were looking right through me, looking at every piece of me and observing it with such careful eyes that he knew the whole inner workings of my mind, how to put it together and also how to break it._

_He gave a soft, tired sigh. “I honestly don’t know, Akihiko. I don’t know if I could even stand being around you long enough for us to be friends.”_

_I thought about his words for a moment, wondering what exactly he meant by them. Did that mean that he still loved me? Or, in the time I was gone, did he come to hate me for leaving?_

_“We don’t even have to be friends,” I said, grasping at straws for any hope that he would no longer feel any hate toward me. “I just . . . don’t want you to hate me.”_

_Misaki looked at me almost incredulously, as if he couldn’t believe what I was saying. “You think I hate you?” I only looked at him in confusion. If he didn’t hate me, then that meant . . ._

_The brunette looked as though he wanted to say something, but Takahiro called me down at the same moment Misaki opened his mouth._

_“Sorry,” I said. “You can tell me your answer later.” With that I left, almost smirking at how disgruntled Misaki looked at being interrupted despite the situation._

**-JR—JR—JR-**

When I saw Misaki stumble in front of my speeding car, my heart stopped in my chest. I slammed on the brakes and bolted out of the car, letting out a cry of, “ ** _Misaki!_** ” I was at his side in a second.

The brunette was looking up at the sky with blank, almost peaceful, eyes. I tried to get his attention, tried to get him to at least look at me, but there was no response, and in my panicked state, I faintly noticed Aikawa calling the paramedics on her phone next to me.

I saw the small pool of blood forming beneath Misaki and began panicking even more, frantically trying to keep the brunette awake, but before I could do anything his eyes fluttered shut and his head fell to the side against my arm.

I heard the ambulance screech to a stop behind me and allowed them to take Misaki away from me, then got in my car and followed behind it, somehow not being stopped by police as I sped behind them. Aikawa was in the passenger’s seat next to me, crying quietly to herself, a concerning difference from how she usually was.

The ambulance finally reached the hospital, so I quickly screeched into a parking spot and jumped out, watching with worry as they wheeled him into the building. I followed them, staying as close as I could to the gurney without tripping any of the nurses or doctors up.

I only stopped when a door came in between Misaki and me. I began stood in front of the door for kami knows how long until a nurse led me to a private waiting room. It wasn’t long before Takahiro barreled into the room that Aikawa and I were in with Minami trailing worriedly behind him. Ritsu followed them in soon after, a frown on his face.

“Is Misaki alright?! What happened? Is he dead? Tell me he isn’t dead! I-“ Takahiro fired off, but I put a hand up to stop him from saying anymore, shaking my head.

“I don’t know anything yet,” I told him. “He’s in surgery right now.” This stopped the raven’s rant. He sat down in a chair across from me dejectedly, worrying at his lower lip. Minami sat next to him and held his hand, rubbing the back of it comfortingly.

Aikawa was currently sitting in the chair to my right, biting her previously meticulous nails nervously and staring at the beige door with an intense gaze. It was as though she was willing it open and Misaki to walk through with her entire being, and I couldn’t really blame her. I wanted that as much as she did.

I sensed Ritsu sit down in the chair to my left, still frowning at the floor. I took his hand, in need of comfort as much as Takahiro and Aikawa did. Strangely enough, Ritsu pulled his hand from mine while furrowing his brows, still not looking at me.

“What’s wrong?” I murmured, as though there was someone to listen in on our conversation.

“We need to talk, Usagi,” he replied softly, then grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of the room. When we were in the hallway, he looked at me with unusually serious eyes.

“What is it?” I asked, not unkindly. Ritsu didn’t say anything for a few moments, gathering his thoughts from what I could tell.

“Usagi, I think we need to break up,” he finally said, and looked as though there was a weight off of his shoulders.

My eyes widened in shock. How could he say that when we’d been so happy for so long? “Why?” I asked weakly, somehow asking the question without realizing it.

The brunette seemed to be struggling with his words. “It’s . . . It’s because I’ve seen the way you look at him, without even realizing it. You have so much love in your gaze, it dwarfs the way you look at me. And I’ve seen how much pain he’s been in when we’re together. I’m not as oblivious as I seem, and I know you’re not that oblivious, either. You’ve seen the pain he’s in.”

I stayed silent. Ritsu smiled gently at me. “Go be with him. I know you may think you’re in love with me like you were in love with him, but it’s different. _We’re_ different. You . . . you two are the perfect couple, honestly. You belong together, and I know that there’s someone waiting for me, too. We need to go our separate ways and be happy. Okay?”

I swallowed thickly. “Okay,” I rasped. The brunette hugged me as gently as he’d smiled at me and kissed me softly on the cheek.

“Good luck,” he told me, then left. “And keep updated on Misaki-chan’s condition.” I nodded and watched as he disappeared down another hallway with sad eyes. I took a deep breath, then another, and walked back into the waiting room.

The rest of the occupants of the room looked up when they realized that Ritsu wasn’t with me. “Where’s Ritsu-kun?” Minami asked me confusedly.

I hesitated, but drew up my courage and spoke. “He, um, had somewhere to go,” I said, not looking the intuitive woman in the eyes. I saw Aikawa narrow her eyes in suspicion.

I went back to my seat, refusing to meet anyone’s eyes and staring at the floor instead. I got lost deep in my thoughts, only snapping out of them when the doctor opened the door and looked at us with grim eyes.

All of us bolted to our feet and looked at him with anxious eyes. “You’re here for Misaki Takahashi, yes?” he asked tiredly. We all nodded.

“Well, I can tell you that he’s made it through the surgery,” he said, and I felt hope swell in my heart, but it was quickly quelled. “But he’s not quite out of the woods yet. There was major internal bleeding from the blunt force of the car hitting him. He also got road burn, three broken ribs, and a major concussion from hitting his head on the ground forcefully. He lost a lot of blood, so, along with the concussion, he’s gone into a coma. There’s no way to tell when Takahashi-kun will wake up.”

The four of us stayed silent, taking in the information. I felt like I was being drowned in guilt and regret. I was the one to leave him, break his heart, and hit him with my own car. I felt horrible for all that I’d done, and knew that Misaki deserved better than me.

After a couple of minutes of silence, Aikawa asked the question none of us could get out. “C-can we see him?”

The doctor nodded and motioned for a nurse to lead him to the room. We followed her down the off-white hallways until we came to a stop at room 221. She opened the door for us, then left. I took a deep breath, then stepped into the room.

**-JR—JR—JR-**

**And so you have the fourth chapter. And, hey, at least this cliffhanger isn’t so horrible (if it can even be considered a cliffhanger). Thanks so much for reading! Favorite, follow, review, and PM me. Until next time . . .**

**~O’Malley out!**


	5. Chapter Five

**Misaki’s POV**

_The umbrella dropped from my hand, and I stopped moving with the river of people streaming off campus._

_“W-What did you say, Aikawa-san?” I stuttered in shock. “What do you mean h-he’s g-gone?” I remembered just that morning, how he bid me goodbye as if he wasn’t going to see me for a while, and paled even further._

_I didn’t let the red head say anything else, hanging up and taking off as fast as I could toward the pent house. As I ran, I dialed Akihiko’s number, but every time, the call went straight to voice mail. Some time in my run, I dropped my phone, but didn’t stop to pick it up._

_I sped through the lobby of the apartment building and skidded into the elevator, breathing heavily and soaking wet. I hit the button violently until the doors closed. The trip up felt like it lasted forever, and I paced anxiously around the small room the whole time._

_The doors slip open smoothly and revealed the door to the pent house. I quickly turned the key and swung the door open . . . only to find the apartment empty for the most part. All that was left was the furniture, kitchenware, and probably most of my belongings._

_I didn’t have to search the entire apartment to know that all of Akihiko’s things would be gone. And yet I did anyway. As I made to run back down the stairs and look even more thoroughly, I slipped on the first step and tumbled down the staircase painfully._

_I curled up in a ball at the bottom and sobbed brokenly, the reality of my situation hitting me like a train. Akihiko didn’t want me anymore, and he probably never would again._

_“Why?!” I shouted painfully, my throat scratchy. “What did I do?!”_

_Something died in me that day, something that could never be repaired._

**-JR—JR—JR-**

_“Guess what, Misaki?” Takahiro asked excitedly through the phone, looking just as excited through the glass he was sitting in front of._

_I sighed. “What?” I asked flatly._

_“Usagi-san is coming back to Japan!” my brother exclaimed. I only raised my eyebrow in response, but on the inside, it felt like what I had left of a heart had just come back to life. That small, childish part of me had hope that Akihiko would come and save me._

_“You know what else?” Takahiro said, beaming. I titled my head to the side, motioning for him to continue. “He has a boyfriend now. They seem so happy together! Isn’t it awesome?!”_

_And that small part of my heart that had come back to life withered away and died, like the last petal on a dying flower._

_“Yeah,” I breathed, pretending to be happy for him. “It’s_ so _awesome. Look, Takahiro, I’m gonna go now, but, um, we can talk more next time.” I gave him no time to answer and slammed the phone down on the receiver and let the guard led me back to my cell._

_I stood just in front of the locked door, which was behind me, and didn’t give any reaction to anything, not even when arms wrapped around my waist and that disgusting voice whispered in my ear._

_The only thing I caught from what Haitani was saying was, “. . . take your pain away, little kitten.”_

_Silent tears slid down my face without my consent, as they had been since I’d stepped in the cell._

**-JR—JR—JR-**

My eyes fluttered open, and I saw a dark, white hospital ceiling above me. I was shocked to feel a wet warmness on my face, and brought my hand up to my face. When I pulled it away, there was a clear liquid on my fingers. With a start, I realized they were tears.

I laughed mirthlessly. Just when I thought I’d cried all of the tears I had for Akihiko, more come. I wiped the tears off of my face and staunched the flow. I wouldn’t let anyone see my weakness, not even the darkness that surrounded me.

Realizing that I wouldn’t be drifting off any time soon, I sat up slowly. The amount of effort it took to sit up annoyed me. The door to my hospital room slid open suddenly, and I saw an exhausted Akihiko standing in the doorway with an owlish look on his face.

“M-Misaki, you’re awake,” he stuttered.

I looked blankly at him. “It seems that way.” The white haired man didn’t say anything for a while. When he realized that he was still standing in the doorway, he went and sat down next to my bed.

He looked at me with guilt in his eyes. “Are you . . . okay? You were in a coma for a month.” I stared at him for a few moments, processing the fact that I’d been in a hospital for an entire month.

Frowning, I looked away from Akihiko. “I don’t know. I’m a bit sore, but I’m not in too much pain.”

Akihiko sighed. “Misaki, are _you_ okay?” The earnest look in his eyes, the need to know, forced me to answer.

“I’m fine,” I told him, looking him straight in the eyes. “Why do you ask?” My voice was devoid of emotion. The encounter with Haitani (I still wasn’t sure whether it was all in my head or not) shook me to the core, and drained all regained life from me.

The lavender eyed man hesitated. “You just seem . . . different. Empty.” I scowled inwardly. Since when did he care? “I’m worried.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I told him dismissively. “There’s nothing wrong with me.”

This seemed to frustrate Akihiko to no end. “Then why did you run in front of my car?” he asked me, irritation dripping from his words.

This time I _did_ scowl. “I didn’t _run_ in front of your car. I tripped. There’s a difference.”

Akihiko scoffed. “Yes, you _just happened_ to trip as my car passed by. That’s believable.”

Anger cut through me, and for half a second I considered telling Akihiko what actually happened, but stopped myself before I could make a mistake. I glared at him, and the man glared right back, but behind his annoyance, I could see more emotions hiding. Fear. Relief. Guilt. Worry. All of these were hiding behind his glare.

My glare wavered, and I looked away. “Well excuse me,” I muttered under my breath crossly. “Sorry for my bad timing.”

A smirk graced Akihiko’s face, who had somehow heard what I said with his rabbit ears (Oh, the irony). I flopped back down and turned on my side away from the man.

“I’m going to sleep,” I told him, then closed my eyes. Silence hailed in the room for half an hour, and I was still awake. I’d known I wouldn’t be able to sleep. I only said that so I wouldn’t have to talk to him anymore.

Akihiko, probably assuming I was asleep, started talking softly. “You don’t know the effect you have on me, Misaki. You don’t know just how much I love you.”

I forced myself to stay silent and pretend to sleep, but my thoughts were anything but calm and silent. The words that the goddamn rabbit said echoed and bounced around my head, bumping into my thoughts and making them jumble up until there was a huge, tangled ball that couldn’t be undone.

A small part of me wanted to jump up and tell him that I loved him, too, and that I wanted to be with him, but the rest of me wanted to jump up and punch him right in the face, yell at him and make him pay for the suffering he caused me over the years.

 _‘That’s right, kitten,’_ Haitani whispered to me, making me flinch a bit. _‘You don’t need someone like him, especially not when you have me here to take care of you. And what makes you think he’ll want you when he knows about the years that he wasn’t there? When he hears about Haruhiko? When he-‘_

A cool hand started running through my hair, as though trying to calm me. It was then that I realized I was shaking in fear and that my heart monitor was speeding up a bit.

The hand carding through my hair soothed me quickly, and at some point I found myself slipping into sleep.

**-JR—JR—JR-**

**Here’s chapter five! I hope you guys enjoyed. Favorite, follow, review, and PM me. Until next time . . .**

**~O’Malley out!**


	6. Chapter Six

**Misaki’s POV**

My recovery from the accident was slow and boring. After that night, the night Akihiko confessed while I was asleep, I was more distant than ever. I refused to let myself be hurt by him again. The only thing I found strange was Ritsu’s constant absence, along with Akihiko’s constant presence. I knew not to bring it up, though. It was probably a sensitive topic for the author.

And then, after another month and a half, I was released from the Hell called a hospital. I sat on the edge of the sterile hospital bed, waiting for my brother to come and get me so I could leave already.

Strangely enough, instead of my brother, it was Akihiko who walked into the room, accompanied by the Doctor. I scowled in confusion. “Why are _you_ here?”

The author smirked cockily. “Your brother decided that it would be better if you stayed with someone else. And that someone else is me.”

I stared at him for only a second before shrugging. “Alright,” was all I said, while on the inside I was screaming in protest. “But what does your _little lover_ think of this?”

Akihiko grimaced at my words, and I immediately knew my hunch was right. Ritsu was a very sensitive topic. I gave a small frown of worry for a second before putting my bored mask back in place.

“Never mind,” I sighed dismissively. “No need to tell me about whatever fight you two are having. That’s your business, not mine.”

The silver haired man looked shocked by my words, despite his attempts to hide it. I inwardly smirked at his reaction. I stood up and walked over to Akihiko and the Doctor, my black converse squeaking on the tile floor.

“I’m assuming you know everything you need to . . . take care of me,” I said, though the words tasted like acid to me, “so let’s go. I don’t want to be in this hellhole any longer than necessary.” The Doctor looked disapprovingly at me, but I ignored him.

Akihiko gave another cocky smirk, making irritation rise in me. “Eager to get back to the penthouse?”

I looked at him with a blank gaze. “Not at all,” I told him bluntly, deciding to be honest for once.

My blunt response didn’t faze him at all, though his smirk disappeared, and he gestured to me to leave the room and go into the hallway. I left the while walled room and stepped into the equally white walled hall. The author led me through the hospital to his bright red sports car.

I became even more irritated when I saw my only senpai leaning against the car. I stopped in front of Sumi, hiding my annoyance. “And what do _you_ want, Sumi?” I asked coldly.

He looked stunned at my tone, and the lack of ‘senpai’ at the end of his name. It took him a few moments to pull himself together. “U-um, I just wanted to make sure you were alright, Misaki-kun,” he stuttered.

“Bull,” I snapped, my annoyance peaking. I got a faint sense of satisfaction when he flinched. “You just want to get close to your beloved Usami Akihiko-sama again. With my luck, he’ll probably leave me for you like the last time.”

“Misaki!” Akihiko started, guilt and hurt crossing his face.

I only snorted in response and walked to the passenger side of the car, getting inside and slamming the door closed. I didn’t bother looking at the two men through the window. I could _hear_ Sumi begging Akihiko to take him, I didn’t need to see it.

It wasn’t long before Akihiko got in the car, looking rather disgruntled, I might add, and started it. I heard him talking to me, but blocked the sound out and stared out the window. As I watched buildings and people pass by quickly, my head throbbed painfully.

I was remembering the night, the night that Haitani shoved me in front of Akihiko’s car. There was no way for me to tell whether that was real or not, but I knew that it shook me to the core. I wasn’t sure I would be able to handle the stress of knowing that he may be out there, waiting for the perfect moment to take me back.

I clenched my fist, forcing those thoughts out of my head. I jolted in my seat a bit when I realized we were in the car park owned by the apartment building. I frowned and stepped out of the car.

“Aren’t we going to get my things from Takahiro’s house?” I asked, looking inquisitively at Akihiko.

The man shook his head. “No, I took the liberty of picking your things up and putting them away before I checked you out.”

I nodded slowly, following Akihiko up to the penthouse. My heartbeat sped up as we got closer. The last time I’d been in that place, I was having a breakdown, one of my worst. I didn’t want to relive that. I buried my memories in the back of my head. I didn’t need flashbacks of my time here. Just having to live there was bad enough.

I stopped in the living room and stared at the base of the stairs, remembering the day he left me. All of the memories I had been trying to bury came up to the surface.

“Misaki?” Akihiko asked me worriedly, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I shrugged it off, but didn’t look at him. “I’ll be in the same room, right?” Instead of waiting for an answer, I rushed up the stairs and to my old bedroom, then slammed the door behind me. I locked the door out of paranoid habit.

I saw my meagre belongings set up around the room, put away and organized. I flopped down on the bed and closed my eyes, though I was far from sleeping.

“I wonder if he has any food,” I muttered to myself, rubbing my grumbling stomach. I’d been almost constantly hungry because I refused to eat the hospital food most of the time, if it could even be called food.

There was a knock on my door. I didn’t respond, waiting for him to talk. I knew he would say what he wanted whether I was listening or not.

“Misaki,” he sighed. “Ritsu and I broke up.” My breath hitched, and I sat up on the bed, staring at the door in worry and confusion. “He said . . . he said I looked at you with more love than I had ever looked at him with. And told me to go after you. So that’s what I’m doing. I don’t want us to be broken like this. I want us to be together again, happy and carefree.”

He paused there, as though giving me room to talk. Suddenly I was leaning against the door, my back to it. “You think I could trust you again, after you left me for someone else so easily? You think I could be _happy and carefree_ after going to jail, being in that hell? You’d be better off praying to Satan than you would be talking to me about it.” My voice was empty and unyielding to his pleads.

“Misaki, _please,”_ he begged. “Just give me one more chance-“ I spun around and slammed my fist down on the door, making a loud bang echo around the empty penthouse.

“You think I could give you what you want in _this place?_!” I shouted, anger and pain leaking into my voice. “Or ever?! It’s hard enough for me to just be near you! And in this house, it’s even worse! All I can remember is the torture I went through while you were gone. All I see is me sobbing at the foot off the stairs because my lover, _my reason for living,_ left me! No, Usagi! I can’t! Not here!” A single tear dripped down my face. I didn’t let any more tears fall. I wouldn’t give the darkness in my heart that satisfaction.

My breathing was ragged, and all that could be heard in the thick silence. And then he spoke. “ _Please,_ ” he begged, and my entire being longed to hold him and make the desperation in his voice disappear. I barely kept myself from tearing the door open and holding him. “Just give me one more chance. You don’t have to give it to me now, but _please_ think about it. I’ll wait as long as it takes for you to be ready, so just . . . consider it.”

I heard his footsteps moving away from my door, then another door slamming closed. I fell to my knees. How would I survive another second in that hell?!

**-JR—JR—JR-**

**There’s the next chapter for you ^_^ I know it probably sucked, and it was kind of short, but I hope it’s enough for now. I’ll do my best to get another chapter up soon, but I can’t make any promises about when. I’m still really sorry for taking so long on this one, and you can flame at me or yell at me in the reviews. I wouldn’t blame you. But I still hope you enjoyed the chapter. Tell me what you thought in the reviews please!**

**Favorite, follow, review, and PM me with ideas. Until next time . . .**

**~O’Malley out!**


	7. Chapter Seven

**Okay, I know it’s been a long time since I’ve updated any of my stories. I’m really sorry about that. I will offer no excuses and get right on with the story ^_^**

**Also, there will be some non-explicit rape in this chapter, so I’ll let you know when it starts and stops, in case you don’t want to read it.**

**Disclaimer: I don’t own Junjou Romantica.**

**-JR—JR—JR-**

**Misaki’s POV (One Month Later)**

Adjusting to life in the penthouse was hard to say the least. In fact, I wasn’t sure that I’d adjusted at all. I avoided Akihiko as often as I could, only seeing him when I called him down for food. Despite how I detested living in the apartment, I still ate at the table with him, keeping the promise I’d made to eat with him all those years ago.

Most days, there was an awkward silence so thick you could cut through it with a rusty butter knife, save for the attempts Akihiko made to talk to me, which were always answered with a frigid silence. I was almost surprised the author didn’t try to talk to me again, like he had the first night. Although, it was probably because he wasn’t aware of just how much the living situation was affecting me. I’d been lucky enough that the nightmares I woke up from every night didn’t have me screaming.

I knew for sure that if I woke up screaming from a nightmare, the silver haired man would come rushing into my room to comfort me, despite knowing how much I hated being touched. I began to get worried after a couple of weeks of being in the penthouse, though. The dreams had been getting worse every night, and I knew that at some point I wouldn’t be able to keep quiet about them any longer.

A month after arriving was a testament to that fact. It was the first nightmare since being in jail that I woke from screaming.

**-JR—JR—JR-**

_I woke from my dream with a jolt, surrounded by a thick darkness that I couldn’t see through. Sweat soaked my hair and clothes despite how cold the dark room was. It seemed to be empty, as there were no sounds to be heard or movements to be seen, and yet I could almost feel someone’s presence._

_I slowly moved the duvet off of my body and stood from the bed, walking toward where I knew the door would be. I moved forward warily, a hand in front of me so I could feel something in front of me._

_But I hadn’t been counting on anything behind me._

_A hand covered my mouth harshly, while a different on slipped up my nightshirt. I struggled in the mystery man’s grip, but as soon as he spoke, his disgusting hands groping me, I froze in fear._

_“Hello, my little kitten,” Haitani hissed in my ear, lust painting his words. A sickened shudder ran through me, though the older man interpreted it as something else. “It seems like you’re happy to see me.”_

_A wave of nausea washed over me, but I pushed it back, keeping as still as possible in hopes that it would lessen the pain somehow. Haitani shoved me down onto the bed, facing him. A blinding light filled the room, and suddenly I was back in the jail cell, pinned on the uncomfortable cot that I’d been forced by Haitani to share._

**_\--This is where the rape starts--_ **

_Haitani pulled my shirt and pants off of my limp body, and suddenly there was a ripping pain rushing through me. It felt as though I was being torn apart from the inside out. I bit back a pained scream, closing my eyes tightly to the intense and passionate look on the other man’s face._

_“Look at me, kitten, or I’ll make this even worse for you,” he whispered, leaning down to my ear and licking the shell with his slimy tongue. I swallowed the vomit that rose in my throat and opened my eyes slowly._

_I was back in Akihiko’s room, and said man was ripping through my body as though he wasn’t causing me pain._

_“Akihiko,” I choked out, “stop. Ple-ease.” He leered down at me, not slowing or stopping._

_“As if, my sweet Misaki. I’m taking what’s mine,” Akihiko told me, then leaned down and pulled me into a crushing kiss. Tears slipped down my face and sobs ripped through my lips. I could stand having Haitani hurting me, because he meant nothing to me, but Akihiko hurting me like that was more than I could take._

_I begged him to stop, but he swallowed my words in his crushing kisses. And finally he finished and pulled out, ending my torture. He whispered how much he loved me in my ear, kissing my tender lips almost lovingly, but all I could feel was burning betrayal._

**_\--It’s ended, guys—_ **

I woke from the dream with a scream, tears staining my face. Loud, rushing footsteps sounded down the hall toward my room. I covered my face with my trembling hands, my breath coming in gasps. The door to my room was thrown open as my breathing began to even out.

“Misaki, what happened?!” Akihiko asked worriedly, and I flinched at the sound of his voice. It sounded so much like the voice he used at the end of the dream. I heard footsteps moving toward me and stopping by the side of my bed.

My breath hitched as his fingers brushed my forearm. I smacked his hand away quickly, curling away from the author. “Don’t touch me!” I snapped, my body reacting automatically. There was hurt and surprise in his eyes, but understanding crossed his face a second later.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly, a pained expression on his face. I glared at him.

“I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me,” I told him coldly, keeping my eyes on his. He didn’t look as though he believed me.

“You’re clearly not fine,” he said bluntly.

“Then why ask?!” I bit out in frustration. “Or is it because that’s what _Ritsu_ would want you to do?”

The man looked confused. “What is that supposed to mean? Ritsu has nothing to do with this.”

I scoffed. “You looked at me only when Ritsu pushed you to do it. He _told_ you to come after me, so you did. How do I know you’re not only asking this because that’s what Ritsu would want you to do, that this is your own will? I don’t. You may not even consciously know.”

Anger and frustration flashed in his eyes, but both emotions were quickly hidden. “Why can’t you believe me when I say that I truly do care about you? I do, more than you even know.” Akihiko did a good job of hiding his emotions.

I couldn’t help the tears that formed in my eyes at all of the reasons that piled up in my head. “You don’t know?! You fucking left me without a word for some other guy! You just gave Aikawa a message for me and left! How am I supposed to fucking know what you feel when you clearly don’t know yourself?!”

Akihiko’s voice was quiet when he spoke next. “I know exactly what I feel, Misaki. I know that I love you, more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and nothing Ritsu said has anything to do with that. It was a mistake to leave for him, but I’ve only just realized that. I know I love you. I know I regret everything in the past few years. And I know there’s nothing I could do to gain your forgiveness. I won’t even ask you to forgive me.”

“Oh, you’re only realizing _now_?!” I snapped. “What, didn’t Haruhiko tell you nothing about the time while you were-“ I stopped myself with a curse, realizing that I’d let something slip that I shouldn’t have.

Anger and confusion knit Akihiko’s brow. “You went to Haruhiko?” he asked disbelievingly. “Why?!”

I glared harshly at the man. “Why, you ask?! Because you left me! You gave no excuse or reasoning, just took all of your things and left the country to be with another man! I felt like I wasn’t worthy after that! I thought ‘Maybe it was me. Maybe it was my fault he left.’ I went to your brother because I needed comfort from someone who knew rejection, and Haruhiko was the first person that came to mind.”

The anger that had shown on the author’s face disappeared, replaced by guilt and regret. “Did you ever . . . ?” Akihiko couldn’t seem to get the rest of the words out.

“That’s none of your business,” I told him in a clipped tone. “Now get out. Whatever goes on with me is _none of your business._ ”

Akihiko looked hurt by my statement, resembling a kicked puppy. I sighed. “Look,” I started tiredly, gaining a hopeful look from the author, “I know you want to help me or whatever, but you broke my trust. You’ll have to earn it back if you have any chance with even being my friend again. Alright?” I refused to look at the other man, but I knew there was happiness in his eyes.

The silverette was strangely quiet. I glanced up at him and saw a serious look on his face. He started speaking. “I will admit that what Ritsu said pushed me in this direction, but I want you to know that it was completely my choice to try to be with you again. I didn’t know what I wanted, but Ritsu did. I’m not doing this because Ritsu told me to, I’m doing it because I want to. Please understand that.” I stared at him quietly, saying nothing. He took that as his cue to leave.

I sighed heavily and closed my eyes. Despite my attempts to go back to sleep, I stayed up the whole night thinking about what Akihiko said and cursing myself for caring.

**-JR—JR—JR-**

The next morning I walked down the stairs sluggishly. I’d exhausted myself thinking the night before, and I could barely walk straight. I made a simple breakfast of omelets and water, barely having the energy to even do that. I called Akihiko down, collapsing into my chair and poking at my food.

Akihiko descended the stairs as gracefully as ever and sat down at the table. He glanced at me with poorly concealed worry. I took a deep breath. “I’ll let you ask me one question. As a truce or whatever you want to call it.”

The silver haired man stared at me with surprise, but concealed it quickly and took on a thoughtful look. _‘He’ll probably ask something about Haruhiko or jail, knowing his nosy ways,’_ I thought, scoffing to myself.

“What have you told Takahiro about us?” I raised an eyebrow at the question, but didn’t comment. I guess this was his way of taking it slow.

“Nothing. Takahiro thought I was upset about you leaving because you were my ‘male role model’ thingy, but never suspected anything more. He didn’t ask, and I didn’t tell,” I responded, taking a bite of my omelet and chewing slowly, taking a sip of water as my stomach churned.

Akihiko nodded, then continued to eat in silence. “What, no attempts at small talk this morning? It was starting to seem like tradition.” My tone was playful, even if a bit strained.

The author snorted. “You’ve evaded all of my attempts, so I thought I’d get you to drop your guard before trying again.” I rolled my eyes and made no more comments.

This was a good start.

**-JR—JR—JR-**

**Almost two thousand words this time :D I made it a bit longer (I think) to make up for not updating for so long. Please let me know what you think.**

**Favorite, follow, review, and PM me! Until next time . . .**

**~O’Malley out!**


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